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Showing posts from 2016

What a Frickin past 7 days

I'm doing this post by voice so there may not be any punctuation. My dog got attacked by my daughter's German Shepherd my dog is a little chiweenie. She busted his back leg and tore his throat he ended up getting stitches in his throat and his back leg was busted on the big bone on the top half and end up in the emergency room for $1,400. Then I went to the vet to see what else needed to be done because all the emergency room could do was splint the leg. They told me it would take $3,300 to fix my dog's leg! I could not justify this because of his age and all the other health issues that would come from having joint and pins in his leg. So I called around got a hold of actors for Animals spoke with them and they said it's ridiculous how much vets charge but I could do another option and that was amputation of his leg. I chose the latter instead of paying over $5,000 for my dog I chose this. It was an extremely hard choice! Very very very hard choice!! Today he's lay...

Fucking pain

I'm done with not sleeping,  drain pain and screwy machine.  Something needs to give.  Last night 2 hours of sleep. Separately. 1 and 1. Not even together.  It's messing with my thoughts and feelings. When is retirement? I stopped my machine at the third drain and shut it off. Couldn't take the pain.  Can't do hemo either. Not much of a quality of life.

Thoughts

It's funny the feelings that you go through in a day and sometimes you just drift off into the night making it hard to sleep. making it hard to think. it's just feelings and they're all over the place. it's from one memory to another memory and that memory leads to another memory. still its crazy how the brain works. What do you do how do you turn it off? You have the same xiety that just continues because it's like you have to do something. what's going on why aren't you doing something? why are you just sitting there? when are you going to do something other than what you do every single day? do something different, try something different, go somewhere different........ but no you just sit and think. Why? because you live in an area that has nothing to do.

Pain

The pain from draining and filling is about an 8 on the pain scale the past 2 nights.  No sleep. Please someone give me a good working kidney.  #donatekidney

Aches and pains

Woke up around 3 last night aching throughout my whole body.  Every bone and muscle.  Like I ran a marathon.  This morning when I got up....nothing. Weird.

Machine

My machine who I have aptly named jackass...decides to alarm 5 times in a row for funzies. At 4 am!  So I call the 1 800 number to get it to stop and they make me bypass the dwell go to drain. Let's hope that works.  Sleep is so far away.
STACIE NEEDS A KIDNEY: https://www.facebook.com/Stacie-Needs-a-Kidney-299867646807831/
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There are actually posts out there about people stopping dialysis to die. Today I can understand why. It use to be I could not understand but now I do. This form of life saving treatment can be hard on the body for some especially the older gen and the young ones. Everyone thinks "Oh this is making you feel better, right?" Go to a dialysis clinic and talk to some of them coming out after treatment. Watch them go in and then come out. I've sat on hemo and watched many go into  cardiac arrest while doing dialysis. Scary. I know hemodialysis is so hard on the body that they say it is comparable to running from California to Michigan in 3 hours. It makes the heart work double time. For some it makes them feel better. For others it dehydrates them, overworks the heart, makes them nauseous, and really weak. Turns the brain to a 4th grade brain. I was the latter. This is why I chose to go to Peritoneal dialysis. On top of the pain of 2 15 gauge needles put into my arm. I just co...

CCPD

Post 1: Do you know what ambulatory life support is? Read the  words....life support. Which means supporting life. Living  life with a machine every night or 3 times a week. Or even  hemodialysis. Life support 3  times a   week. I've done this for over 3 years. The future is  daunting  sometimes when I think about it. Most times I don't think  about it. Today I am.